Separation of Infant from Mom

Separation of Infant from Mom

by Robin
(California)

My daughter wants to go on vacation for a whole week and her son will only be 3 months old. I am sad to see she is even considering this, as I still won't leave my 6 year old for more than a day. I can't understand her with this decision, and my question is, will he forget her? Will their bond be broken and need to be rebonded? What are the affects it will have on my grandson, who will be with me?

She sees absolutely nothing wrong with it, and has already spent a fair amount of time away from him, daily with so many people here to care for him. Please help me to advise her of the potential harm with their relationship and bond.

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Separation of Infant from Mom

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Sep 12, 2009
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Walking a Fine Line...
by: Heather ;-)

Robin,

I can understand your concern regarding your grandson's ability to bond.

Here's the good news: at three months old, he probably won't show too many signs of stress. The first few days of the week may be difficult, but if he is used to you caring for him, he may not even seem to notice.

There may be a little re-bonding work that will need to be done when she returns, but after a few days or a week he should be back to normal. To be on the safe side, she (and you) should prepare yourself for more crying and fussiness in the first few days of the transitions (from her to you, from you to her). Some babies handle transition well, and don't show any fussiness. Some do. You'll just have to wait and see. Plan on more holding and playing together during these times.

If you are concerned that she is taking too much time away from him, I would gently share your concerns with her and encourage times when they can spend more time together.

However, if you try to force the issue with her ("I'm your mom and I know best") she will most likely take offense. At that point, she may decide to limit your contact with your grandson altogether (perhaps a long shot, but it happens frequently).

My advice is to kindly and gently encourage her to spend more time with her son. However, don't force things or try to "mother" the mom. Your grandson will be greatly blessed to have his grandmother involved in his life, a rift in your relationship with your daughter may jeopardize that.

It's a delicate line to walk, but I'm confident you're desire for the best for BOTH of them, will win out. If your daughter can see your heart, that you are concerned for BOTH of them (baby and mom), she may be more responsive to your concerns.

It's a tough situation, requiring much sensitivity and gentleness, but in my experience, when someone feels I'm caring for THEM (rather than my agenda or opinion) they are always more receptive to what I have to share.

Hope this helps, feel free to post back!
Heather ;-)

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Sep 12, 2009
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Submitted by: Heather ;-)

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Robin, I can understand your concern regarding your grandson's ability to bond. Here's the good news: at three months old, he <i>probably</i> won't show too many signs of stress. The first few days of the week may be difficult, but if he is used to you caring for him, he may not even seem to notice. There may be a little re-bonding work that will need to be done when she returns, but after a few days or a week he should be back to normal. To be on the safe side, she (and you) should prepare yourself for more crying and fussiness in the first few days of the transitions (from her to you, from you to her). Some babies handle transition well, and don't show any fussiness. Some do. You'll just have to wait and see. Plan on more holding and playing together during these times. If you are concerned that she is taking too much time away from him, I would gently share your concerns with her and encourage times when they can spend more time together. However, if you try to force the issue with her ("I'm your mom and I know best") she will most likely take offense. At that point, she may decide to limit your contact with your grandson altogether (perhaps a long shot, but it happens frequently). My advice is to kindly and gently encourage her to spend more time with her son. However, don't force things or try to "mother" the mom. Your grandson will be greatly blessed to have his grandmother involved in his life, a rift in your relationship with your daughter may jeopardize that. It's a delicate line to walk, but I'm confident you're desire for the best for BOTH of them, will win out. If your daughter can see your heart, that you are concerned for BOTH of them (baby and mom), she may be more responsive to your concerns. It's a tough situation, requiring much sensitivity and gentleness, but in my experience, when someone feels I'm caring for THEM (rather than my agenda or opinion) they are always more receptive to what I have to share. Hope this helps, feel free to post back! Heather ;-)

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