Separation of Infant from Mom

by Robin
(California)

My daughter wants to go on vacation for a whole week and her son will only be 3 months old. I am sad to see she is even considering this, as I still won't leave my 6 year old for more than a day. I can't understand her with this decision, and my question is, will he forget her? Will their bond be broken and need to be rebonded? What are the affects it will have on my grandson, who will be with me?

She sees absolutely nothing wrong with it, and has already spent a fair amount of time away from him, daily with so many people here to care for him. Please help me to advise her of the potential harm with their relationship and bond.

Comments for
Separation of Infant from Mom

Average Rating starstarstarstarstar

Click here to add your own comments

Rating
starstarstarstarstar 		Walking a Fine Line...
by: Heather ;-)

Robin,

I can understand your concern regarding your grandson's ability to bond.

Here's the good news: at three months old, he probably won't show too many signs of stress. The first few days of the week may be difficult, but if he is used to you caring for him, he may not even seem to notice.

There may be a little re-bonding work that will need to be done when she returns, but after a few days or a week he should be back to normal. To be on the safe side, she (and you) should prepare yourself for more crying and fussiness in the first few days of the transitions (from her to you, from you to her). Some babies handle transition well, and don't show any fussiness. Some do. You'll just have to wait and see. Plan on more holding and playing together during these times.

If you are concerned that she is taking too much time away from him, I would gently share your concerns with her and encourage times when they can spend more time together.

However, if you try to force the issue with her ("I'm your mom and I know best") she will most likely take offense. At that point, she may decide to limit your contact with your grandson altogether (perhaps a long shot, but it happens frequently).

My advice is to kindly and gently encourage her to spend more time with her son. However, don't force things or try to "mother" the mom. Your grandson will be greatly blessed to have his grandmother involved in his life, a rift in your relationship with your daughter may jeopardize that.

It's a delicate line to walk, but I'm confident you're desire for the best for BOTH of them, will win out. If your daughter can see your heart, that you are concerned for BOTH of them (baby and mom), she may be more responsive to your concerns.

It's a tough situation, requiring much sensitivity and gentleness, but in my experience, when someone feels I'm caring for THEM (rather than my agenda or opinion) they are always more receptive to what I have to share.

Hope this helps, feel free to post back!
Heather ;-)

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How?
Simply click here to return to Ask Heather & the Other Mentor Moms

infant ear infection 7 Ways to Determine an Ear Infection

infant cold 5 Tips to Fight the Cold Crusties

uc1 Free $32 Nursing Cover with code ONEFREE!

baby learning games How to Pick Smart Toys

Belly Binder Does a Belly Binder help C-Section Recovery?

shopping cart This Month's Coupon Codes for Gap, Children's Place, and Others

I just subscribed to the site, and I'm very happy I did. I have worked in the medical field for several years and love to have good resources for when things come up...
~ Crystal S.

What a great site and thanks for having it available!
~ Bernadette W.

I'm very excited to start receiving the newsletter. I've checked out your site a couple times and I loooovve how it's arranged, your language, and tips - it's great!
~ Emily N.

Heather, I can't express how happy I am I discovered your site!
~ Liza T.

Thank you Heather, for your wonderful newsletter. There is always something new!
~ Desiree T.

I'm a 1st time young mom, 23 and single, so I have found very very helpful...I can't seem to stop myself telling everyone I know about you, some thought you were my mom!
~ Vuyiswa N.

Your website is very helpful and I discovered a couple of great online stores. 'Cause I'm not a big reader, it is very nice that I can find the most important information through your website.
~ Tonya G.

Thanks Heather! Your Milestone eBook is SO detailed and so correct. My son is doing all or most of the things and many are not mentioned in the usual books/sites. Great job and keep it up!
~ Anwesha C.

Thanks so much for creating such an AWESOME website. I really appreciate your sense of humor and real writing style.
~ Andrea Z.

My baby refused all bottles until you showed me the MAM bottle. Thank you so much for the recommendation. I wouldn't have known about them if not for your website.
~ Jennifer at Sweet Lilly Confections